


Goodbye Winter

by moonhyun



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Moving On, Self-Hatred, does it count as character death if they're already dead?, everyone just needs a hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 11:12:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15948170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonhyun/pseuds/moonhyun
Summary: He doesn't know how long this will go on but he knows that by the end of it, the Lee Hongbin he'll be in the future won't resemble the one he is now.He can't tell if that scares him or not.





	1. Chapter 1

Like most things, it didn't happen all at once. 

The streets were deserted as Hongbin walked, hands deep in his coat pockets as he tried to maintain any warmth the thin coat provided. It was nearing winter, hardly the end of November and snow was already covering the streets and sidewalk. Hongbin liked the snow; it sparkled like glitter when the sun was out, blinding anyone for a short moment when their eyes loomed towards it. But there was no sun today, no way to make the snow come alive in the way he liked. It disappointed him, if only for a little bit. 

The snow crunched beneath his boots and he buried his face further into his scarf. He doesn't remember how long he's been out walking, doesn't remember slipping on his coat and boots, hands trembling as he did so, doesn't remember the reason why he was walking out in the cold, empty street in the first place. He stops in his tracks when his fingers brush against something at the bottom of his coat pocket and his heart drops because oh. 

He remembers now. 

Yet again trembling fingers wrap around the small folded up piece of paper, but he doesn't take it out, refusing to look at it like he could catch the plague if he even dared to take a glance. It was the reason why he was here, why he was going away. Why it was necessary for him to be walking outside in the near freezing weather at god-knows o'clock in the morning. Hongbin contemplated just throwing it away, deeming it a waste of time. It's not like Wonshik would - could - read it anyway, but he doesn't want to look at it until he gets there. 

The continuous crunching of snow mixed with the occasional bird's chirp makes for a peaceful walk. No one is out yet to distract him from what he needs to do and an unexpected chill of relief loosens his shoulders. It makes Hongbin feel better about his mission even if he knows he shouldn't. If Wonshik was still around maybe he'd be able to talk some sense into him. Hongbin doesn't think so. 

The sky is becoming more grey and pale as the morning grows on and he wonders why he even brought a coat if he didn't need one where he was going. He wonders if he'll see Wonshik there, if there is a place at all; wonders what the other would look like after a few months had passed. Would he smile, or would he be angry? 

The familiar metal gate comes into view and he falters in his step. A particularly cold gust of wind cuts against his reddened cheeks and he tucks his face further into his scarf. It almost feels like a warning to him, that if he enters that gate there's no going back and he doesn't intend to. 

The gate is cold against his fingertips when he pushes it open. The eerie creak that escapes doesn't send a chill up his spine anymore after visiting the past few months nor is it comforting. Flowers are still sat above the snow, some new and some old, some with bright petals and others wilted. There are a few gifts scattered here and there with the flowers and as Hongbin walks he realizes he forgot to bring some of his own despite the seemingly weighted note in his pocket. Wonshik will forgive him, he knows, he's that type of person. 

It takes Hongbin a few minutes to get to where he needs to be, the tree he's come accustomed to leaning against popping into his vision. Even without all the usual blossoms and leaves he still finds it beautiful. Dark eyes fall on the stone as he rests against the trunk of the tree, hands deep in his pockets. He doesn't say anything for a while, the space around him quiet as he stares and gathers his thoughts, letting the cold air ghost through his hair - like Wonshik used to. 

Shaking the thought from his mind Hongbin pulls out the note from his pocket and pushes himself towards the stone. He doesn't bother to open it, already knowing what reads on the inside like the back of his hand after hours of reading it over and over again until his eyes burned. Maybe it was a sentimental thing, leaving the note to someone who would never read it, because the moment the piece of paper is sat against the smooth surface of the stone that has shining gold letters and numbers, his heart wrenches. No tears come to his eyes, they haven't come in almost a few weeks and Hongbin doesn't know if that's necessarily a good thing. 

Hongbin sighs as his hand returns to its place in his pocket, a cloud snaking from his chapped lips. 

"Please don't hate me, Wonshik," he says with a voice barely above a whisper and looks at the stone one last time. His reflection in the gold lettering of his best friend's name is distorted and he watches his coat move with the wind. Everything is somber and he wonders how things got to be like this.

Stepping away from the stone, Hongbin looks up as a bird lands on a branch that hangs close to the stone. It's a blackbird, he recognizes. The bird is still on the branch as it watches him for a moment before it turns and flies away. The little interaction doesn't phase Hongbin much, not as much as what he see's as he watches the bird. The bird lands on another branch and under it stands a man in all black looking right at him, his face impassive. The long coat the man is wearing is similar to the one Wonshik always wore and Hongbin buries his hands further into his pockets. The man's hair is long and dark that falls freely and casts his face into shadow. Hongbin should be more than unnerved but he finds himself void of anything other than curiosity. 

"Hello?" Hongbin calls out, his voice scratchy. The other doesn't say anything in return, just continues to stare with his sharp eyes. Hongbin is going for another question until he blinks and the other is no where to be seen. Taken aback, Hongbin looks left and right for any sign of him but it's as if he was never even there; even the bird had disappeared. Both of them just gone.

"What the fuck," he says. 

Hongbin stands in silence before he shakes his head, deeming that what he just saw was a figment of sleep deprivation and steps away from the stone. He doesn't spare the stone a final glance as he makes his way back to the gate. The wind picks up as he goes through the gate, slicing against his cheeks like razor blades and coursing through his dark hair. He can deal with it for a little longer, though - the bridge isn't too far of a walk from here. The streets are still deserted and the silence is thick as snow starts to fall slowly from the sky. He's going to miss the snow. 

Hongbin's looking both ways before he crosses the street (though why he still does it is a mystery to him) when a voice calling his name stops him in his tracks. It's deep and familiar and chills him to the bone more than the cold ever could. This isn't like those times where he thought he heard him call his name when his apartment was the quietest, sitting on the floor next to his bed in the dark with his eyes glazed over; it's thick and loud and solid and laced with worry and it sounds so close, so real that Hongbin's sure that when he turns around he'll be there, thick and loud and solid, too. 

Except he isn't. 

Instead he's met with trees and stones and snow. His name is on the tip of Hongbin's tongue and it burns the longer it's there but all he can do is swallow it down as he searches with wide eyes. The snowfall is coming down harder by the second and it isn't too long before he can barely make out the gate in the white haze. The wind is picking up pace and whistling loudly around him and Hongbin doesn't notice the headlights until it's too late and the sudden pain he feels is all that he knows. 

The pain courses throughout his body, from his toes to the tips of his fingers and he feels like he's being ripped apart and sewn together over and over until all at once the pain is gone like a wave and Hongbin is weightless. Opening his eyes, the first thing Hongbin saw was fog; a thick, white mist that flows loosely between his fingers and around his arms and legs. The second is that he's still standing in the street, the car nowhere to be seen. Everything is muted, both in color and sound, and stock still as though time itself has stopped around him.

He takes a hesitant step forward and he realizes that he can't feel the cold anymore; he can't feel anything, really. 

The fog starts to let up around him as he walks, like it's guiding his way to wherever he needed to go. Hongbin doesn't know how long it takes before the fog has cleared enough to reveal the gate he had just exited out of. 

And all the people that walk on the other side of it. 

None of them stop to look at him or even recognize that he's there. No one looks familiar to him and he watches them, each one translucent enough to be able to see the outline of the others, of headstones and trees and they flow together and around each other like the fog. Some sit upon their respective stones with solemn looks as they toy with their little gifts and others smile as they sniff their flowers. The flowers are vibrant against the monochrome scene and it's almost beautiful - if not for the fact that all these people aren't alive. The realization doesn't sit well with him and he watches as a child catches his sight. The child doesn't look older than six, wearing a white dress as she runs around, expression bright and cheery and if everything wasn't silent he bet he would hear her giggling. At least she's happy, he thinks. 

Would he be that happy? 

Hongbin doesn't realize he's still walking until the creaking of the gate causes him to look behind him as it closes and latches itself. Exhaling softly, he turns back around and within the sea of people catches the man from before standing beside one of the angel statues. He isn't muted like the others, skin vibrant but pale and he doesn't fit in with these people. The girl from before slows as she gets close to him with her eyes wide with that childlike innocence and wonder. The man doesn't react to her as she stops in front of him and Hongbin is almost certain that this isn't going to end well until the girl smiles and waves at him. The man, whose hair is put into a half ponytail, waves back with a soft expression. Hongbin doesn't expect the response and can tell it meant something to the little girl, her smile bright and eyes little crescents. She runs away and the man's eyes fall straight on him. Hongbin's breath catches in his throat. Should he try and talk to him? Should he run away? His internal debate is cut short when he realizes that the other isn't looking at him, but passed him. Taking a breath he slowly looks over his shoulder, afraid of letting the stranger out of his sight.

The white hair catches his eye first, styled up and looking soft to the touch, along with the all white clothes that compliment the other's tanned skin. It's not until it's too late that he realizes who he's looking at and he feels like he was punched in the gut. 

"Wonshik?"


	2. Chapter Two

Hongbin bolts upright, his heartbeat thundering in his chest and breathing quick as he takes in his surroundings. He's back in his room, sitting in his bed with his grey sheets wound around his legs and the air is thick with silence. He doesn't remember ever coming back to his apartment, doesn't even remember how, but he does remember the look on Wonshik's face when they made eye contact, the sadness in his eyes as he looked between Hongbin and the note in his shaking hands. Wonshik didn't say a thing and neither did Hongbin. 

Hongbin runs his hand through his hair and notices something different about his surroundings. Everything is the same, but a grey veil covers over everything like a dark cloud on a rainy day. He can't help but wonder if all that happened was a dream and he was still stuck in the loop. Sighing, he pulls the sheets away and throws his legs over the edge of the bed, looking at his clock. It's almost 4 AM, a strange time to wake up, but with what happened over the past 24 hours (was it even still the same day? Time has been lost to him for a while now) he can't help but feel like this is going to be the most mundane thing that will happen to him for a long while. Standing from his bed he realizes that he's still in the clothes from earlier, minus his coat and shoes. He can't help but think if he was the one who undressed himself, or if someone else had done it. 

Hongbin walks over to the bathroom and flips the switch, the bright light blinding him for a moment. Looking in the mirror he doesn't see someone who looks like they were hit by a car. In fact, he just looks like he hasn't slept in weeks - and knowing how he's been, he probably hasn't. He doesn't remember the last time he slept properly. The closest thing he's had of sleep is the few quick minutes he gets on his couch or at the kitchen table until the nightmares start to make their move. 

A muffled noise stirs him out of his reverie and with slow steps he makes his way through the dark hallway and into his living room, his bare feet cold against the hardwood floor. There's something illuminating the living room with a blue light and when he turns the corner he finds his TV on, the screen all white. Hongbin stops in his tracks with his shoulders tense and looks around his apartment. Nothing out of the ordinary catches his eye so with hesitant steps he goes to turn the TV off, until he finds that it won't, stuck on the same white screen. Slowly, the light starts to get brighter and brighter until it becomes hard for him to keep his eyes open. Hongbin puts his hands to his eyes and with a sharp sound he's plunged into darkness, the shine from the street lights allowing him to see just enough. He just got this TV, it better not be broken. 

Hongbin lowers his hands and almost flinches out of his skin when his eyes catch the reflection of someone behind him. He twirls around and comes face to face with the long haired man, his expression ever unreadable. Being this close to him makes his heart jump to his throat and blood rush in his ears. His hands are clammy as he looks up into the taller man's dark eyes. 

This man radiates an energy that makes Hongbin's hands shake. The man raises his hands and Hongbin flinches instinctively but the other doesn't seemed fazed by it and takes Hongbin's hands into his surprisingly soft ones. The action takes Hongbin off guard and he notices something gleam in the other's eyes. 

"Calm down, Hongbin," he says. His voice is more delicate than Hongbin expected it to be and as if his words were a spell Hongbin's breathing becomes easier and his heart beat slows into a steady rhythm. The other's thumbs run gentle circles on the back of Hongbin's hands, the action more comfort than what he's had in a while. It may not be the comfort that he needed when he missed Wonshik's boisterous laugh filling every nook and cranny of his apartment, but it's comfort nonetheless and his eyes sting. 

"Who are you?" he asks, not meeting the other's gaze. "And how do you know my name?"

A small smile tugs at the corners of the raven haired man's mouth. "You can call me Taekwoon," he says. "How am I not supposed to know your name? Wonshik never stops talking about you."  

With how fast Hongbin looks up at Taekwoon's response he's surprised he didn't give himself whiplash. "Y-you know Wonshik?"

Taekwoon nods, his expression gentle. "He misses you." 

Hongbin's heart both breaks and mends at Taekwoon's words and Taekwoon must sense it; he let's go of Hongbin's hand and runs his own through the latter's tousled hair. It's silent between them with Hongbin having nothing but also everything to say and Taekwoon let's him take his time, spending his silence with smoothing out Hongbin's hair. Hongbin knows he looks like a train wreck, he doesn't need anyone else to remind him that. 

"You'll get to see him soon," Taekwoon says after a while. Hongbin looks up at him with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows. 

"What do you mean?" 

Taekwoon looks him over, up and down a couple times, no doubt noticing the stress lines around Hongbin's eyes and forehead, and steps backwards, his eyes now trailing across Hongbin's apartment. 

"Are you familiar with reapers, Hongbin?" 

Hongbin folds his arms over his chest, not knowing where Taekwoon was going with this. "Yes - they take someone's soul. They're called the bringers of death for a reason." His tone is borderline sarcastic but Taekwoon doesn't pay it any mind, making his way to look out the window.

"We don't bring death, we merely follow it." 

Hongbin is silent for a beat, processing the other's words. We?

"There are many misconceptions of us: what we look like, what weapon we use - we don't use any, actually - or what we do. We aren't some skeletons in a black cloak. When someone passes, it's our job to help them pass on to the other side - wherever that may be, I don't know. I haven't seen it. But sometimes we can't even do that, and it's up to someone else to help them."

Taekwoon shoots him a look. "That's where you come in, Hongbin."

Hongbin's eyes widen. Out of all the things that just came out of Taekwoon's mouth, hearing that he somehow played a role is what jars him the most. "M-me? Why me? What makes me so special?" 

Something in Taekwoon's expression changes and he walks until he's back in front of Hongbin. Hongbin takes an instinctive step backwards, tensing. 

"I know what you were planning to do today, that's the only reason why you were able to hear Wonshik call out to you. Your psychic empathy was high - you wanted someone to understand you, to stop you - help you, even if you didn't realize it. Which is why you're the best for these people. They want someone to understand and help them, too. 

"To help them move on." 

His words cut into Hongbin, even with his gentle tone, and he avoids his gaze. He practically picked him apart, piece by piece and put him back together like a puzzle. 

"You said I would see him soon," he breathes. He can feel his legs trembling. "Am I supposed to help him move on?" Taekwoon nods. "How do I do that?" 

"The process is different for everyone," Taekwoon answers. He twirls a strand of hair between his fingers. "But souls are stuck here for a reason. It's highly rare that they choose to stick around on their own. Try and figure out the reason why they're stuck and once you do, I'll be there to do the rest." 

Hongbin nods. Seems simple enough. "What do I do if they chose to stay?" 

"It's highly unlikely that one will communicate with you, but there's nothing you can do, as sad as it is. It's lonely in the spirit realm." His words are laced with something that indicates that he knows what it feels like, a shadow crossing his face as fast as it had came. 

Hongbin sighs and runs his hand through his hair. How did he get here? How did he manage to catch himself up with a reaper of all things? 

"I know it's a lot to take in, " Taekwoon says and Hongbin mumbles a 'tell me about it' under his breath but Taekwoon doesn't react to it. "But if you ever need any help, find Yongguk. He'll answer any question you have."

He doesn't wait for Hongbin to answer before he disappears with a small nod his way. Hongbin stares at the place where Taekwoon once stood and squeezes his eyes shut. This was all too overwhelming for just one night and he sinks to the floor, defeated and tired. He didn't even know how to find this Yongguk guy. Was he a reaper like Taekwoon? He doesn't think he can handle talking to one of them again. 

With a huff he stands, not paying attention to how loud his knees pop and heads over to the couch. He doesn't do anything for a while, just sits on the too soft cushions and thinks about what his life has become. 

He doesn't know if he imagines the soft touch on his shoulder or not. 


	3. Chapter Three

Jaehwan comes to him first, a little earlier than expected. 

Actually, it's Hongbin who spots him, trying desperately to get the attention of those around him. His eyes are pleading when he catches Hongbin's gaze, hands tugging at the hem of his white shirt. He has blonde hair that frames his face, wide eyes and ears that curl out at the top. Hongbin, despite anything else, finds it somewhat endearing. Hongbin can almost see the tension flood from his shoulders as he sends him a small smile. 

He hadn't asked Taekwoon when he should expect to have spirits communicate with him or if he should go out looking for them. But it's been three days since he's seen him, and Hongbin's pretty sure he won't for a while. So with heavy arms he slipped on his coat and left his apartment, letting life decide things for him for a little while. 

Jaehwan had walked over to him slowly as if he wasn't sure if he should, his hands never leaving his shirt. It almost looked like he was nervous, that if he got too close he would see that Hongbin would be looking at someone else. He doesn't know how long Jaehwan had been here, stuck with no source of interaction and Hongbin felt his heart twinge. 

"Hello," the blonde said with a smile. "I'm Jaehwan." 

"I'm Hongbin." 

Jaehwan was a talkative person, Hongbin concluded. His voice was warm and he always spoke with a smile on his face. Normally Hongbin would be annoyed with how much he was talking, but with how long Wonshik had been gone he found himself enjoying it. There were times where Jaehwan would accidentally stumble upon the topic of how he died and he would interrupt himself mid sentence, a somber look on his face and Hongbin would sit in silence, giving the blonde a minute to compose himself. Hongbin gathered that he died from some type of illness, one that was caught too late and had no cure; there was no surviving and even though he acted perfectly fine, it was obvious that he wasn't.

It was a new wound, one that hadn't had the time to properly heal. Hongbin just hopes he'll be able to help him. 

It was silent between them as they walked, the freshly fallen snow sparkling in the early afternoon sun. It was weird walking with Jaehwan when the other's footfalls didn't make a sound, Hongbin's creating loud crunching noises whenever he stepped atop the snow. Would Wonshik's be silent, too? 

He watched as Jaehwan took an instinctive breath with nothing following after and it's a constant reminder that no matter how real, how  _there_ he seems to be, he's not part of this physical plane anymore and Hongbin hasn't felt this insignificant in a while.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," Jaehwan jokes.

Hongbin doesn't meet Jaehwan's eyes, instead buries his hands into his pockets.

"What are you doing here, Jaehwan?" he asks with a low voice. Jaehwan is tense as they keep walking to God knows where. There's very little people out and about, most still in their homes, warm and secure from the cold. Hongbin wonders if spirits can feel the cold; judging by what he experienced, they don't feel anything.

Hongbin never thought that he would have to ask a question like that to someone in Jaehwan's situation, but if he's to help he needs to know.

Jaehwan meets his gaze with glossy eyes that throw Hongbin in for a loop.

"When I was first diagnosed," Jaehwan starts, his voice small and fragile. "I knew right away what they were gonna tell me: that I wouldn't survive it no matter what they did, that they couldn't tell how much longer I had to live and that they were sorry."

He starts to fidget with his shirt again and takes a shaky breath. Hongbin wants to comfort him, but how do you comfort someone that's already dead?

"But what they didn't tell me is that I would get so sick that I would have fainting spells, that I wouldn't be able to walk a foot without running out of breath or that most of my senses would leave me, one by one. They left those parts out and - and I was so  _scared,_ Hongbin, and I couldn't do anything!"

Jaehwan's crying, Hongbin knows he is, but no tears fall from his eyes and lay silvery tracks in their wake. His heart shatters at the way the other's bottom lip trembles violently with every sob and he goes to put a hand on Jaehwan's shoulder - only for his hand to go through him.

The sensation flows throughout his body, his blood running cold as little pinpricks make their way through his fingers to his palms and he pulls his hand back quickly. Jaehwan doesn't seem to notice.

"I just...I didn't have anyone to help me through it all. I was so lonely and scared that I would wake up the next morning and see nothing but darkness, " Jaehwan wipes away the nonexistent tears and sniffles. "I don't want to be alone and scared anymore."

Jaehwan locks his eyes on him again with a sadness so deep that it could swallow him up any moment. "How can you help someone like me?"

Hongbin is silent for a moment, not knowing what to say because he himself doesn't know how. But with the way Jaehwan's hands tremble around white fabric Hongbin knows that, no matter what, he's going to make sure Jaehwan forgets what it's like to be lonely and afraid.

Hongbin sends him a comforting smile. It feels like it's the only thing he can do.

"I'll figure something out."

Jaehwan doesn't say anything but there's a glimmer of hope in his eyes that spreads warmth throughout Hongbin's chest and he holds on to it, desperate on not letting go.

With a breath, he decides he needs to find Yongguk.

Finding Yongguk, he realizes after a while, is easier said than done, especially when the spirit you're helping (trying to, at least) keeps disappearing.

It was as if Jaehwan was having an emotional crisis: constantly disappearing and reappearing for ambiguous amounts of time and when he would reappear, Hongbin felt the space next to him shift and become colder, unlike the warmth he was used to. He knows Jaehwan doesn't mean to, he can tell by the way his voice wavers when he apologizes and from his furrowed brows. Although his heart feels like it will jump out of his chest whenever he appears, he gives him a small smile. It seems to work most of the time.

Jaehwan was silent for the rest of their walk, only asking about where they were heading. Jaehwan didn't know who Yongguk was and Hongbin, although disappointed that he didn't, hadn't expected him to. He should've asked for Yongguk's surname like a normal person would, it would've made everything a lot easier.

Except Hongbin's not normal. Not anymore, anyway.

He doesn't know how long this will go on but he knows that by the end of it, the Lee Hongbin he'll be in the future won't resemble the one he is now. He can't tell if that scares him or not.

After a while of crunching footsteps and chilling winds, Hongbin, somehow, finds Yongguk.

The moment his eyes catch Yongguk something in him clicks, like the flick of a switch, that this is who he's been searching all over the city for and the amount of relief that floods through him is something that's almost unfamiliar.

Yongguk, much to Hongbin's relief, doesn't look like a reaper. He just looks like a normal guy with his dark, wavy hair that falls in his eyes as he sits on a park bench, reading a book. He's dressed in a simple black turtleneck and dark pants, little flakes of almost melted snow lingering on the toes of his boots. He doesn't look the least bit cold, and if he was he does a good job at not showing it.

Hongbin doesn't realize that he's made his way over to the other until he's standing in front of him. Up close Hongbin is suddenly intimidated, the words he had on the tip of his tongue now far away and out of reach. He doesn't feel Jaehwan beside him; he's on his own with the consequences of his impulsive actions and the thought makes his palms sweat, even in the cold.

Yongguk doesn't look up from his book, turning the page and his fingers linger on the corner. Surely he must notice Hongbin, right? The silence from the other sets ice in Hongbin's veins and he takes a breath, composing himself.

"Hello, Hongbin."

The low voice resonates through the shared silence and it reminds Hongbin of the fog. Yongguk folds the corner of the page and closes the book, sitting it beside him. The cover is plain black with no title or picture and Hongbin can't help but wonder what the contents of the book are.

Yongguk's gaze locks with Hongbin's and there's something mysterious about the way they seem to look at him yet through him like he's picking at Hongbin's thoughts and secrets and Hongbin suppresses a shiver. Yongguk himself radiates mystery with his minimalist appearance and void-like eyes and Hongbin is curious.

"Take a seat, you look like you've seen a ghost," Yongguk says, expression impassive despite the blatant joke.

Hongbin hesitates before he sits, folding his hands in his lap.

Neither of them says a thing as they look around the park. The place is almost empty with the exception of a few couples here and there, walking hand in hand. None of them know the situation that Hongbin is in and something flares up in his chest. Would any of them care? He knows he's not the only one that has had to take this on, Taekwoon implied that himself, but as he watches as a girl smiles up at her boyfriend Hongbin can't help but be envious of their ignorance.

"Ignorance isn't always bliss," Yongguk says as if he was reading his mind, and maybe he was. Yongguk may look like a normal guy, but so did Taekwoon.

"What do you mean?" Hongbin asks. He tries to sense if Jaehwan is near, but the constant cold in the space where the blonde should be gives him the answer he doesn't want. He's starting to become worried.

Yongguk gives him a once-over before he shifts his position, folding his arms and crossing his legs out in front of him. He looks too comfortable like he's done this many times before.

"Not knowing something keeps you from caring," he replies. There's something deep laced within Yongguk's words as he speaks, warm yet distant. "Caring is what keeps all of us alive. Separating yourself from that can be the downfall of not only yourself but of those around you."

Yongguk pauses, toying with the ring on his middle finger, almost like a habit.

"Everyone wants and needs someone to care about them, even if they don't know it. It's how we all move on and build ourselves up to become the person we all want to be."

Yongguk's words ring through Hongbin's mind and his eyes widen in realization. Is this what Jaehwan wanted: for someone to care?

The space next to him starts to shift and a chill runs down Hongbin's spine. He turns to Yongguk and finds that he's already looking between him and the area next to him, a knowing look in his eyes. He's not surprised that Yongguk can sense Jaehwan. Taekwoon had told him to find Yongguk for a reason, and it's a good chance that Yongguk was like Hongbin.

If he was, Hongbin wants to hear about the spirits he's helped; how they died, why they were stuck and what he did to help them. He wants to know more about Yongguk, too, and why he was chosen to help them. After sitting with Yongguk and listening to him talk, it's obvious that they helped him in some way, too.

Yongguk catches Hongbin by surprise and sets a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. Through his coat, Hongbin can feel the warmth radiating from him and it gives him hope, something he hasn't had in a while.

"Good luck, Hongbin," he smiles. It's small, just a quirk of his lips, but Hongbin can see everything that Yongguk hasn't said within the action and he smiles back.

He thanks Yongguk as he stands and walks back the way he came, waiting for Jaehwan to reappear. He knows what he needs to do now and he can feel his heart thundering in his chest. The air becomes colder and when he blinks, Jaehwan is in front of him, eyes heavy and worried and hands gripping his white pants. The wind blows gently, coursing through Hongbin's hair. They look at each other for what feels like a long while, the sound of Hongbin's heart pulsing in his ears and he turns words over in his mind, pondering how he should go about this with Jaehwan. Jaehwan looks fragile before him, like the weight of Hongbin's words would break him any moment and before Hongbin can say anything, the hope that Hongbin saw before was put out like a light. Jaehwan nods his head reluctantly and barks out a laugh. There's no mirth in the sound and Hongbin can feel his heartbreak as he watches Jaehwan's legs tremble.

Somehow, Hongbin catches him before he hits the ground.

Jaehwan is solid yet still cold in his arms. He can feel every tremble and weep as he pulls him closer. He hasn't even known Jaehwan for a whole 24 hours, but seeing him like this, hopeless and afraid, Hongbin can feel his eyes start to burn. Slowly, he raises his hand and curls his fingers gently through the soft blonde strands.

"I can help you," he whispers into the other's ear. The tension all but breaks as the words register with Jaehwan and he sobs, his hands gripping onto Hongbin tightly.

"I'm sorry that this has happened to you," Hongbin begins and continues to run his hand through his hair. "And it's okay to feel the way you do. I know you're scared and hurting and - it's okay." A tear falls down his cheek and he takes a shuddered breath. These are the words that he's needed to hear himself and he can feel his shoulders start to shake. The hollow feeling that has made it's home in his chest since the spring lets up a bit and Hongbin feels like he can breathe again, just a little bit.

"You're going to be okay," he says. "I promise."

The two stay in each other's arms until all that's heard is Jaehwan's occasional sniffle. Hongbin knows that he could've pulled away a long time ago, but he doesn't know how badly Jaehwan needs the physical comfort and so he stays, hand rubbing gentle circles along Jaehwan's back until he pulls away himself.

There's something different about the way Jaehwan holds himself now, even with his eyes red-rimmed and glossy. His hands don't fidget with his clothing anymore, staying loose by his sides; his shoulders are held higher and sharper than the slumped form Hongbin had gotten accustomed to and his eyes hold a gleam of something akin to acceptance in lieu of the dark pools they once were.

Hongbin uses his sleeves to wipe at his eyes, sort of embarrassed to have cried. He hates crying in front of people, opting to just hold it in until he's alone in the safety of his apartment to let everything out. Wonshik used to pick at him about it, telling him that he could be his shoulder to cry on, his words always sincere. Hongbin regrets never taking up on his offer.

Hongbin feels the space behind him pull and shift and when he turns Taekwoon is there, his expression ever impassive. A wave of confusion hits him before he remembers that it's Jaehwan's time to go and he looks to the latter. There's a pinch of nervousness written across his face as he looks between the two.

"Is this where..." his words trail off and he swallows. Hongbin nods softly and he gives Jaehwan an encouraging look.

Jaehwan looks to be having an inner battle with himself before he sighs and steps forward. He stops directly in front of Hongbin, only a few centimeters separating them and for the first time Hongbin sees a true, genuine smile that sparkles like the snow on a sunny day.

He's going to miss it.

"Thank you," Jaehwan says and engulfs Hongbin into a hug one last time. He pulls back before Hongbin can wrap his arms around him and faces Taekwoon, whose expression has become soft.

"Are you ready?" Taekwoon holds out a pale hand and Jaehwan nods, taking a moment to prepare himself before he takes the bigger hand into his.

The last thing Hongbin sees before they disappear is Jaehwan's eyes locking with his and what looks to be a small smile from Taekwoon.

Hongbin finds himself outside of his apartment a while later, staring at the golden numbers plastered on his door. He has every intention of going in, but for some reason, he just can't get himself to open the door. Everything from the past day is running through his mind in quick images and he slides down the door and onto the floor.

 _Thank you_  is what he hears when all his pent-up tears come rushing out. 


	4. Chapter Four

After Jaehwan, it isn't until late December that he comes in contact with another spirit.

Hongbin thought a lot about Jaehwan, staring unblinking at his boring wall as he lay limp in his bed. He thought about how broken he looked when he first saw him and the uncertain twitch of his fingers when it was his time to go. He thought about his white clothes, the way his eyes shined with unspoken gratitude and how he was able to comfort him after an already failed attempt. His life left him curious about many things, and now is no different. Catching Jaehwan was impulse and he had felt so  _solid_ in his arms; so what was different?

Taekwoon had appeared once shortly after, his presence as quiet as ever but Hongbin knew he was there. He could feel his eyes on him as he thought about everything. They had sat in a simple thick silence for what seemed like hours and Hongbin almost asked him what he had wanted until Taekwoon broke the silence himself, saying in his small voice that Jaehwan was okay.

And Hongbin cried.

It wasn't one of those cries that was loud and made you think of yourself as pathetic as you watched the tears stream down your cheeks in the bathroom mirror - it was silent and gentle and refreshing because Jaehwan was  _okay_ , just like he promised he would be.

In all honesty, he didn't know if he was going to be able to help Jaehwan, doubts constantly surging through his mind but with the image of Jaehwan's bright smile replaying behind his eyelids, things don't seem too grey anymore. In fact, the grey veil that covers everything like a coat seems to be fading; his hands don't look too pale whenever he catches sight of them and, now that he thinks about it, it settles something light in his chest that he hasn't felt before.

In short words: Hongbin missed Jaehwan, even after only knowing him for a day. But he's happy that he was able to finally do something and do it right and with restless legs, he's somewhat confident he'll be able to help someone else.

And that's when he spots him, in the back of a crowded café with a cup of hot chocolate in between his hands, warming them up. For the amount of people in the café the atmosphere is comfortable as people chat quietly between themselves and their friends, others reading books or studying for exams. No one pays attention to him as he scopes out the area, trying to catch anything or anyone looking distressed.

When he catches the sight of the boy, he's looking in through the café window with his brows furrowed. He looks focused, like he's looking for somebody, and Hongbin would've waved him off if it wasn't for the all white clothing he was wearing.

The boy barely looks to be an adult, nineteen or maybe even twenty at most and the thought sickens him.

He's just a kid, one who had his life cut wrongfully short.

Hongbin will help him in any way he can.

He continues to watch as the boy looks around before his gaze falls onto Hongbin and he tenses for all but a second with wide eyes - and he runs off.

Hongbin is caught off guard for a moment before he goes after him, slipping his coat back on as he makes his way to the doors.

The cold air struck him as he exited the café. Small snowflakes fell slowly and sparsely from the sky and Hongbin turned the direction the boy had went. His hands quickly started to tremble in the cold and he wished he hadn't left his hot chocolate back at his table.

A glimpse of white fabric rounding the corner caught his eye and he followed only to find himself in a dead-end alley. The alley is empty, save for a couple boxes and pieces of trash being covered by the falling snow. Hongbin stood for a moment, catching his breath while he looked around the alley and towards the sky. The boy had looked frightened; Hongbin didn't mean to scare him and a wave of warm guilt surges within him.

"I'm sorry if I scared you," he says into the air, running a hand through his hair. "I didn't mean to, I promise. But I can help you, if you give me the chance."

His words are met with silence as he waits for a response. He doesn't expect one, so the lack of an answer didn't deter him too much.

Hongbin takes a last look around before he turns to go back to the café and almost stumbles back when he sees the boy in front of him. He's slightly taller than Hongbin, with cute rounded cheeks and a ruffle of dark hair that falls slightly into his eyes. He looks too young to be like this and the image of the little girl from before flashes in his mind.

"You can help me?" The boy asks. He looks uncertain to be talking with Hongbin and the latter tries to appear calm and relaxed; he doesn't want to scare him off again, he's most likely already terrified as it is.

Hongbin nods his head and the boy visibly relaxes although his eyes never lose their unbelieving look.

"What's your name?" Start off slow _,_ he tells himself. "I'm Hongbin."

He doesn't get a reply right away. His eyes skim over Hongbin's body and face, possibly looking for any signs of a lie or danger. He must not find what he's looking for as he replies with: "Han Sanghyuk, but everyone calls me Hyuk."

Hyuk is nineteen like Hongbin had guessed, and is almost completely different from Jaehwan; he doesn't talk much, preferring to answer with short responses and hums, his voice was like honey when he did speak while Jaehwan's was like a cool breeze, and he hardly made eye contact. Hongbin wonders just how different people can be from each other.

Would Hyuk know Jaehwan? Wonshik?

Hongbin shakes the thought from his head and looks to the younger boy. His eyes hold a far away look in them as he stares ahead of them out into the street. He watches as a troubled expression makes it's way onto his face. Is he thinking about the person he was looking for? Is that why he's stuck?

"Who is it?" His voice is soft but somehow manages to startle Hyuk.

Hyuk gives him a look before answering. "His name is Junhong, and he's my friend."

Hyuk starts to fidget as he looks around at the alley they're in, seeming to just now realize where they were. Fear starts to crawl it's way up his face and Hongbin looks on, now worried "Are you okay?"

"N-no, no um, can we go somewhere else?"

Hyuk's voice shakes and he leaves the alley before he can let Hongbin answer. The latter follows after him and finds him sitting on a bench that's under a tree, hugging his knees to his chest. Back out on the sidewalks Hongbin realizes just how late it had gotten as he looks towards the darkening sky.

Hongbin takes a seat next to him. He can hear Hyuk's shaking breath as he tries to control it. Something must have happened to him in that alley or a similar one and Hongbin's heart clenches. This kid, this nineteen year old boy had his whole life ahead of him only for it to end abruptly somehow in a dirty alley and the thought makes Hongbin almost angry.

But he can't be angry; he needs to help Sanghyuk and that won't help either of them.

A few minutes pass until Hyuk's breathing has become stable. Hongbin doesn't say anything for a while, leaving the other to gather his bearings. If Hyuk wants to talk, he'll let him do so on his own accord. Maybe it'll give him a sense of choice that he never had.

"Do you have a best friend, Hongbin?" Hyuk starts, his voice just above a whisper.

Hongbin's entire body goes rigid at the question, his eyes locked on the snow stuck to his boots. Wonshik's laugh echoes through his ears and the feeling of the wind in his hair feels like Wonshik's fingers and Hongbin has to take a breath to keep himself grounded.

"I do," he replies.

Hyuk doesn't pick up on his hesitation, or at least acts like he doesn't.

"Would you do anything you can to keep them safe?" His voice is small and cracks at the end.

So that's what happened to him: Hyuk had somehow saved his friend but ended up dying while doing so. To many people, Hyuk would've been considered a hero, but all that was left was the spirit of a kid who is scared and most likely lonely. He's obviously worried about his friend and wants to find him, possibly to make things easier.

Wonshik pops into his mind again, and so does the car and all the blood and Hongbin would trade places with him without question if it meant he was okay.

"Of course," he answers finally. They fall into silence after that, not because they don't know what to say, but rather because they don't  _need_ to.

The sky darkens and the snow continues to fall, caking the street and sidewalks in a fresh white coat and there's no doubt that some lands in his hair. The streetlights and glow from the shops lighten up the scene, casting an orange hue on everything in its path. It sets the thought in Hongbin that even after they die, the world still turns on its axis, the sun still rises and the birds still sing their morning song and it's almost unfair. When he dies, people will still go to work, flowers will still bloom and the seasons will continue to change. It'll be like he had never even existed; one person's world ends while another's still keeps going.

It's definitely unfair.

Hyuk shifts next to him. He seems calmer now as he places his feet onto the ground.

"You don't have to talk about it if it hurts too much," Hongbin murmurs. He knows what it feels like - it's been almost a year and even attempting to talk about it still hurts. He doesn't know if he'll ever be ready to. "But I'll always listen if you want to."

Hyuk looks up and directly into Hongbin's eyes for the first time and Hongbin can see the swirl of emotions within them. Hyuk opens his mouth and then closes it right after, looking unsure of what to say. He doesn't want to push Hyuk, he already has a vague idea of how he needs to help him, but he won't push him away either.

"It all happened so quickly," Hyuk breathed. "We - Junhong and I - we were walking home from the arcade. It was already passed curfew, but we didn't care. We hadn't spent time together for a while and we wanted to make the time last. We turned down an alley and..." Hyuk's voice fades at the end and he get's that faraway look in his eye. Hongbin sits in silence as he watches him and he wants to take Hyuk's hand into his, but he's not sure if it'll just go through him or not. So he sits there with his hands in his lap until Hyuk continues.

"Junhong saw them first. I didn't get what was wrong until he tried to pull me away and back onto the sidewalk, but they already saw us. I couldn't see their faces, but I knew that they wanted something from us. I don't really remember what happened but...they pointed a gun at Junhong and my legs moved before I realized and then all of a sudden my chest was on fire and Junhong was crying."

No one deserves to die like that, Hongbin thinks and he feels almost hypocritical because he would do the same if it meant saving Wonshik. Hyuk died because of a couple of scum; they kept him from ever living his life to the fullest, from being happy and Hyuk doesn't deserve that. He shouldn't be sitting here like this, wondering if he'll ever find his friend and what is going to happen to himself. He should still be out there with Junhong and his family instead of being another statistic for what happens late in the night when no one is looking. The air somehow feels colder than it is.

Hyuk's hands are trembling at their place clutching the bench, his knuckles white from the tight grip. Hongbin reaches out without a thought and sits his hand on top of Hyuk's, rubbing gentle circles along the back of his hand with his thumb. He can feel the shaking start to subside and Hyuk's surprised look on him, but he keeps his gaze on their hands and realizes how small his are compared to the younger's. He was never good at comforting someone else, that was always Wonshik's job, but this feels more natural than anything.

Hyuk's voice is so quiet that he barely misses the "I never got to say goodbye," that slips from his lips. It sounds so broken and lost and it resonates with how Hongbin's heart feels inside his rib cage because he never got to say goodbye, either.

"It's okay," he replies. He looks into Hyuk's eyes and the other doesn't back away. "We'll find him and you'll finally get your chance." He sounds so sure that even he himself believes it.

Hyuk cries, and Hongbin lets him.

 

Hongbin is tired, and the thought of his warm blankets won't leave his mind, but he doesn't want to leave the kid alone on his couch. Hongbin had wanted to be left alone but not _alone_ at the same time, so he won't let Sanghyuk suffer with his thoughts like he has.

The boy had told him that Junhong had worked at the café he was at and that's why he was there. Hongbin will go there first thing in the morning to see if he still does, but he needs to rest first - Hyuk too. He doesn't even know if ghosts sleep.

Hyuk is curled up at the end of the couch, aimlessly toying with the sleeve of his shirt. "You can go to bed, you know. I'll be okay."

Hongbin tears his eyes from the mute TV (it still works, thank God) and gives the other a gentle smile. "I know, I just don't want to." That's a lie. He really wants to, but who knows what Hyuk's mind is like? He doesn't want the sadness and helplessness to creep its way more up Hyuk's back than it already has.

He'll think of a plan tonight; all he needs to know is Junhong's surname and he'll take to his computer. Wonshik had got it for him for Christmas one year and he hasn't used it in a while. He's not even sure if it's charged or if it finally croaked on him. It'll be easier to find Junhong when you're not the only one looking for said person and that makes Hongbin's shoulders feel lighter.

"What's his full name?" Hongbin asks him after a beat of silence.

Hyuk jumps a little at the sudden question, his eyes going a size Hongbin never thought he would be able to make and he finds it amusing. "Choi Junhong."

Hongbin nods and he can feel the fatigue tug at his eyelids and settle deep into his bones. He's not sure what time it is, but he know's it's way past midnight and for the past few months he'd find himself in bed right now. It seems having to help spirits is what improved his sleep schedule. It's almost funny, really.

Hongbin stands as a yawn breaks from him and stretches his arms above his head. He doesn't want to leave Hyuk, but his couch isn't the comfiest piece of furniture in his apartment to sleep on. He goes to tell the other goodnight before something tugs at the end of shirt and when he turns Hyuk is looking up at him with the biggest puppy eyes he's ever seen. He can already tell that Hyuk has gotten away with many things because of them.

Hyuk visibly swallows before he whispers, "Can you stay for a little longer? Please?" and he doesn't have the heart to tell him no.

With a small smile he sits back down, closer to the other than before. He pretends he doesn't see Hyuk's small smile from the corner of his eye.

 

The first thing Hongbin realizes when he wakes is how cold he is. It flows through his entire body like he's being frozen from the inside out and it takes everything he has to open his eyes. He doesn't remember falling asleep, especially not on his couch, and it takes a while before his vision starts to clear. His living room is basked in a light blue hue that looks almost as cold as he feels and Hongbin realizes just how early in the morning it is.

He doesn't understand why he's so cold; his apartment had been fairly warm if he remembers correctly. He goes to sit up when he feels the weight against his legs. When he looks over he's met with the sight of Sanghyuk cuddled against his legs, his eyes cracked open slightly. The boy's eyes look different, almost milky, like someone had put a film over them. It looks wrong and it makes Hongbin's skin crawl the longer he looks. Hyuk doesn't give away any emotion, keeping Hongbin from guessing what's happening.

"Hyuk?" he murmurs. Hyuk doesn't budge, not even a twitch to indicate that he at least heardHongbin. Hongbin frowns. His mind flickers to how Jaehwan would disappear; do all spirits do something strange? Jaehwan's spontaneous disappearances were worrying, but this is something that's outright  _frightening._

The air around him seems to change, growing colder than Hongbin thought was possible and suffocating at the same time. This can't be good, he thinks. "Sanghyuk?" he tries again, voice firmer as he reaches out to put his hand on Hyuk's shoulder. Before he can make contact Hongbin is pushed backwards by a force that knocks him off of the couch. Hyuk's eyes are completely open now and the floor starts to tremble. Hyuk's face is still impassive as he lay on the couch but his eyes are swirling with something that Hongbin's not sure he should try to figure out. With shivering legs Hongbin tries to stand only to fall down again. "Hyuk!"

That's when he notices the red stain on Hyuk's shirt, standing stark against the white and growing larger by the second, right on his chest. Hongbin doesn't have a doubt that that is Sanghyuk's blood, that that is where he was shot and it takes him many moments to pull himself from the thought of Wonshik's own blood.

With the blink of an eye the apartment stills and the blood on Hyuk's shirt is gone. Hongbin watches as his eyes go back to normal, the milky look slowly fading away until all that's left is a deep brown. Hongbin's still shaking as he rushes to him. "Hyuk? Hyuk, are you okay?" he pushes. "What the hell was that?"

Hyuk doesn't answer right away. Slowly, he pushes himself up into a sitting position directly in front of Hongbin. His eyes aren't completely focused, but they're a lot better to look at now. Hyuk's chest is heaving like he's been running a marathon, or perhaps reliving something traumatizing. Hongbin is surprised when the other leans down and rests his head on his shoulder, nuzzling into his neck. He can feel how Hyuk's shoulders shake with every breath he takes. Hongbin wraps his arms around Hyuk without a thought, sitting their in the the thick silence as his thoughts rush around.

What the  _hell_  was that?

The two sit there for a while, the only sound being Hyuk's slowing breath. Hyuk knows how to deal with overwhelming feelings much better than any other kid he's seen - even better than himself.

Hyuk's voice comes in whispers that are muffled against Hongbin's neck. "I don't want to see it again. Please don't make me see it again."

Hongbin, with wide eyes, tightens his hold around Hyuk. The trembles have subsided now, leaving them both in different states of mess. Has Hyuk experienced this before? Going through something like that by yourself with no source of comfort makes bile rise in Hongbin's throat. The kid has gone through so much already, the least he can do until they find Junhong is be there for him. He just hopes they find him before it happens again.

 

Hyuk is quiet when they walk into the café with his eyes at his feet like they were the most interesting things in the world. He hasn't spoken a word since that morning; Hongbin had tried to coax something out of him, but the attempt was fruitless and all he got was a cold shoulder. He understands why Hyuk is being like this and he'll give him all the time he needs, but now he's not so used to the silence that threatens to swallow him up.

The café is warm like last time except it's more thanks to the heaters rather than the body heat of others. The Christmas lights that wrap around the counter blink invitingly with reds and greens. Hongbin takes a breath before he stalks up to the counter. It's still pretty early in the morning, so he's not surprised to see only one worker behind the counter. When said worker turns Hongbin is met with a small smile full of bunny-like teeth. His hair is light brown with his bangs styled so they won't fall in his eyes and Hongbin catches the faint glimpse of a freckle on his nose. It's an interesting spot and he can't help but calm under his boyish gaze. His name tag just reads  _Moon_ and Hongbin doesn't recall seeing him.

"Hello," Moon says, his voice gentle. "What can I get for you today?"

Hongbin gives him a small smile. "I'm looking for Choi Junhong. Does he still work here by any chance?"

Something in Moon changes. It's subtle but obvious enough for Hongbin to notice the slight squint of his already sharp eyes. Moon trails his gaze to behind him and Hongbin's breath catches in his throat. He can feel Hyuk tense up behind him and Hongbin expects the worst to happen, but Moon's demeanor changes back so quick Hongbin can feel his head spin. Moon's smile is different now, just a quirk of his lip with a gleam in his eye that tells that he knows  _something_ and it's familiar.

"He does," Moon turns to fix one of the many decorations on the counter. "But he doesn't work today."

Hongbin's shoulders slump a little, but it's more than he expected. Now that he knows where he can find Junhong, Hongbin's certain now that he'll be able to help Hyuk say his goodbyes. It's a little bittersweet; bringing friends back together only for them to split up again in the end.

The space beside him becomes colder as Hyuk shifts to stand next to him. His eyes follow Moon's every move with intense curiosity, and Hongbin is, too. Moon heavily reminds him of Yongguk, with how he knows much more than he lets on, speaking in a soft voice that still calls your attention. It's almost scary.

Moon turns back to the counter, eyes skimming over Sanghyuk like he wasn't even there.

He sends Hongbin a look that he can't decipher. "He does, however, spend his off days at the Han River."

Hongbin sighs in relief and thanks him. Before he can get too far from the counter, Moon's voice reaches his ears. It's barely above a whisper and Hongbin's not sure he was meant to hear it, but there's a hint of desperation laced within the words that pushes Hongbin faster on his feet. "Please help him."

Hyuk, more or less, leads the way to the river, turning down corners faster than Hongbin can keep up. There's a buzz in the air that seems to be radiating from Hyuk that makes Hongbin's hairs stand on end. Maybe it's mixed with the fact that he hasn't been to the river in what felt like years, Wonshik's smile flashing before him as they walk along the trail. His heart stutters.

Hyuk is still when Hongbin finally catches up, hands working at the hem of his shirt. In front of them a few yards away sits Junhong, snuggled in a large coat and scarf as he looks out into the river, his cheeks flushed from the cold.

As they stand for a few more moments Hyuk's resolve looks like it's breaking, but there's a ghost of a smile at the corners of his lips. The amount of respect Hongbin holds for him is indescribable.

Hongbin moves first, the snow crunching as he makes his way to sit on the bench next to Junhong. Junhong doesn't react as he sinks down next to him, blinking slowly as he continues to stare. His eyes hold a blankness to them that remind Hongbin of still waters that are deeper than they seem, and no one so young should look so empty.

"How are you, Junhong?" Hongbin asks him. Junhong's eyes flicker over to him for a second before they're back at the water. He shuffles deep into his scarf. 

"I'm okay," he murmurs. His breath is visible in little transparent clouds that get caught in the maroon scarf. "Are you?"

He wasn't expecting a question in return, and he catches himself before he can widen his eyes. A smile crawls across his lips and he feels a little warm. He nods. "I will be." 

It's Junhong's turn to nod. He doesn't see Sanghyuk standing a few feet away; doesn't see the way his eyes shimmer with some type of raw emotion that Hongbin's never seen before. Every twitch of his fingers when he goes to reach out to Junhong only for him to pull back shatters his heart. The longer Hyuk isn't able to interact with Junhong the more rushed Hongbin feels, but he knows that things like this need time; that both Hyuk and Junhong need time. Hongbin has more than enough.

The whistling of the wind breaks through the silence. It's loud and strong and Hongbin feels like he's going to topple from his seat. Junhong nor Hyuk are phased by it and the latter takes a step forward, saying something that Hongbin can't hear over the wind. Junhong, though, bolts upright, eyes wide and searching. Hyuk says it again and this time he makes out Junhong's name through the wind and Junhong looks like he's about to jump out of his skin. 

Hongbin's hand moves on it's own before he realizes what he's doing and it rests on Junhong's shoulder. The kid turns to him with furrowed brows and Hongbin has a strange feeling that he knows exactly what to do, now. 

"Just close your eyes, it'll be okay."

Junhong looks at him skeptically for a moment and Hyuk is becoming more and more restless by the second. With a reassuring look, Hongbin squeezes Junhong's shoulder. He watches as the other finally gives in and shuts his eyes. Something happens, like a snap of fingers, and the air, along with everything around them, becomes still. The branches stop swaying in the wind, the river freezes and the falling snow hangs in the air. Déjà vu shivers down Hongbin's spine, and his mind is filled with fog and flowers against a monochrome scene and the youth that were too young. It's disconcerting. 

Hyuk is in front of Junhong now, his movements hesitant. They both watch as Junhong opens his eyes after a minute and how they trail ever so slowly up the body before him. His shoulder becomes so tense under Hongbin's hand as the seconds go by and Hongbin's sure that he'll break if he applies just enough pressure. There's a lump in Hongbin's throat as he waits for the unpredictable. He can see Junhong's hands shake the moment his eyes land on Hyuk's face and how the flood gates open on both sides.

"Junhong," Hyuk says and it's the only thing he can say before he has his arms full of Junhong. The stark differences between the color of their clothing is almost symbolic, and if Yongguk were here Hongbin bets he would find some sort of life lesson in it. It makes him smile as he watches Hyuk bury his face into Junhong's neck and holds his shaking friend tight. 

"I missed you so much," he hears Junhong breathe. The snow that hangs around them frames them in what could be a beautiful photo, and Hongbin wonders if Hyuk would show up on camera. 

Hyuk meets Hongbin's eyes. Like before, no tears are visible, but there's a shine in his eyes that he saw in Jaehwan's and Hyuk doesn't have to say a thing, because Hongbin understands enough what gratitude looks like. 

Hyuk pulls away first, setting his hands wherever they can fit; atop Junhong's shoulders, sliding down his clothed arms and finally cupping his cheek where his thumb wipes away a stray tear. It's like he was mapping his best friend into memory and Hongbin doesn't doubt that they could never forget each other, no matter how far and long the distance. 

They're like stars: no matter how bright they burn they'll always find a way back to each other. 

"I have to go soon," Hyuk's small voice emits a dark pool from Junhong's eyes like they're ready to overflow again. "and I...I couldn't go without saying goodbye first."

Hongbin feels like he's intruding on something intimate, something that he shouldn't have any business looking on from the outside. He stays seated on the bench, his hands folded in his lap, ready for whenever Junhong needs him. 

"But don't worry! I'll be okay because you will be too and in the end that's all that matters." Hyuk gives Junhong a watery smile and Junhong starts to tremble harder. He pulls Hyuk back into a hug that's somehow tighter than the last one. He doesn't look like he's going to let go any time soon, and Hongbin doesn't blame him. 

"Who's going to beat me at Street Fighter now?" Junhong's question pulls a chuckle from Hyuk. A smile tugs at the corners of Junhong's mouth until his bottom lip starts to quiver. A choked sob breaks from him and his tears come in fat droplets as they trail down his cheek. He buries his face into his friend's neck and his cries are so broken that Hongbin can barely stand to hear them. The raw anguish that comes from him could be enough to crack the very earth beneath them and swallow them up within it. 

"I'll see you later, Junhongie," Hyuk whispers. 

Hongbin jumps when there's a sudden presence beside him. Taekwoon sits with his legs crossed and eyes focused. His hair hangs loosely in dark waves that fall against his shoulders. His presence is like fire against the cold although there is no heat radiating from him. There is no coldness, either. Hongbin hadn't felt the space shift, most likely too engrossed in the two younger boys that still hold each other in their arms. 

"They'll be together in the afterlife," Taekwoon says. "People like them always come back to each other." Hongbin finds comfort in the words.

When it's time for Hyuk to go, Junhong has Hongbin's hand in a bone-crushing grip. The tears still stream down his face, but there's a sense of acceptance in the crease of his brow. Hongbin squeezes his hand has Hyuk waves goodbye, and Hongbin can feel the earth mend again. 


End file.
